"Quit school. Make a band. Get Rich. Die with a smile."

i still dont have a definite answer.

i think i get it. i have wayy too many ideas but ones bound to be the real answer.

i mean, i might be a bit slow in some classes at school but in this scenario youve had my full attention for 12 hours straight.

did i fail you or were you the one that failed me? right now im not sure on that one.

i think i have it all figured out and i keep looking for more but im just wasting my time.

im quitting on this stupid search.

i know too much dont i? not in a bad way. but so much that i dont need to know. just fucking tell us already.

.x.nikki.x.

fuck this viral marketing bull shit.

give us the damn product.

thats all that we're asking for.

not stupid games.

we already went through with this with panic and i think the whole mystery of the cd was more entertaining than the cd itself.

all this viral marketing shit is making me think that the cd is going to be shit and yr just trying to make up for it.

please prove me wrong. i love you boys but yr really over-doing this.

.x.nikki.x.

Patrick posted a blog about how he has this thing called synthesia.

Well, I was really happy i finally found out what's happening with my mind.

i can see music, i can taste instruments and colours, i can remember a word by the combinations of colours it makes form the letters. all that. its only a mild thing though. nothings ever bold with letters or numbers. but there is always this tint to things. like f might be a bit greener than the other words or a might be a bit bluer. anything in italics always seems to have a bit of a grey tint with whatever the letter may be, red, yellow, ive even noticed orange.

i never pay attention to it while im reading though, but i just finished two books in the past could days and it's been bugging me slightly and then patrick posts the blog and im like, 'OhhhHH! i get it!'

music is in colours to me. colours, tastes, i can feel it too, prickly, shark, smooth. and then theres patterns too if theres for example two guitars, the guitar sound is this certain colour [ whatever key its in its a different colour. like drop d is usually this deep purple for me. ] but one might have black squares and the other might have black stripes. and then if the music gets louder i can see it....get bigger i guess. this is a hard thing to explain. when i listen to music i can picture everything. sometimes i can hone in and picture each note depend on how much is going on in the song. not just with instruments though, voices as well. even when some ones talking to me i can picture the vibrations i guess you could say. and i can feel them if its a shark kind of tone, or a low tone. if its a higher sound, things get a bit brighter, and lighter. if its low things get darker.

sometimes i write music in my head and i tend to use my hands a lot and move around this note or change this chord and then that changes the colour and the taste and the feel of that note/chord. or when im playing piano and something just sounds off, like when you have a Bb and an Ab together. i kind of picture like, something shattering and then colours turning this ugly colour and the patter turns into this mess and looks horrible. but when the notes go together and sound good together its like everything, all the different colours and patters and tastes blend and move along well.

its funny though because we always knew patricks mind worked differently, work in music, and its awesome personally that i can kind of relate. i doubt that he has the same things going on that i do, like, exact things, but still, let me have my little moment to feel connected.

anyone else have the same sensations happening?

.x.nikki.x.

p.s. - i didnt post what synesthesia because its just too hard to explain. go to patrickstump.com or wiki if yr that interested in what i was rambling about.

wasnt stoked on santi. but this one i might buy.

someone called me at 11 in the morning from a new mexico number. wth material right there. .x.nikki.x.

yay. fall out boy are writing a record.
i just heard that andy has almost all of his drums done
mes so happy

i got all worried cuz petes tellin us that he really doesnt have any words and whatnot and it all just sounded like itd be a bit delayed

buy yay! *claps* =D


.x.nikki.x.

today has been awesome.

i woke up at 3:40-ish and had an awesome cup of coffee BROUGHT to me
went to potbellys for a good sub and some orange fanta
and we went to blockbuster and i rented this 'american hardcore' thing. the back of it calls hardcore music punk and emo and shit, so of course im going to watch it. they name dropped a bunch of bands and ive heard of about half of them. i feel smart. but its not really relevant is it?

my lullaby is remembering sunday from atl. if you havent listened to the song yet, you should.

thats all for now. off to watch american hardcore.

peace.

.x.Nikki.x.

but we're not cavemen anymore. we can live without meat.
sharp rocks and sticks are no different than a blade. just part of a different millennium.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: colin
Date: Aug 7, 2008 7:53 AM


yes they sell the meat for food so its not normal u know when were cavemen we killed them with sharp rocks on sticks!!!!! OOUUCCHH!! so we came a long way so slitting their throats is decient, but i prefured that they stab them through the eye cause as soon as they do the cow will die instantly cause the knife hits their brain

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ♫Nikki♫
Date: Aug 6, 2008 3:55 PM


there was no point to that. all that that paragraph was, was agreeing that i was right. weve already established that they slit the throats and such while theyre alive. anything else?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: colin
Date: Aug 6, 2008 4:17 AM


when they slaughter cows pigs chicken... mmm chicken, any who they have to kill them so yes they slit their throats while fully awake but weeeee eat the meat for say u buy meat at the stors right cause thats where the meat goes besides the little portion that goes to the farmers or plant owners.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ♫Nikki♫
Date: Aug 5, 2008 12:40 PM


its not just fur. i thought you were talking about slaughter. when they slaughter cows and pigs and whatnot they slit their throats while theyre still alive. or theyll scald them or theyll stomp on them or theyll throw them headfirst into the ground or theyll beat them an...

and yr right, when they skin animals for their fur theyre still alive.

but like i said, its not just fur that im pissed off about.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: colin
Date: Aug 5, 2008 8:25 AM


no if they slit their throats the value of the fur would go down. so they leave them alive. pisses me off.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ♫Nikki♫
Date: Aug 4, 2008 12:12 PM



i dont care. they should get educated and get a better job if all theyre doing is slitting throats all day.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: colin
Date: Aug 4, 2008 4:59 AM


nikkie this sort of thing rarly happens in america it normilay happens in eastern and nothern parts of china where thats all they can do for money.

my heart wont start beating
i cant start breathing
so rip it out before it races away
it never mattered anyway
so take a breath and find something to feel

something has gone down a lonely road
someone has gone down a lonely road
someone's too late to regret
in the dark theres a dying light
it never mattered anyway
it never mattered anyway

is this more than you bargained for?
this is more than you bargained for.
i dont know if we'll make it out alive
we're scared,
oh, so scared
but baby i'll always be by your side
because here is where we dance
alive, alive

i thought this moment would never come
now its over and i cant breath
this second hand bullshit is too thick for my lungs

its time for your goodbyes
'look whos dying now'
ill be pushing daisys up soon so sweetie kiss me goodbye
usually i dont post things like this here but what the hell, its like 1:30 and im a dumb shit so please comment and buzz or whatever buzznet is good for these days. EDIT : ALICIA POINTED OUT TWO TYPOS SO I WENT BACK AND CORRECTED THE THINGS. HAPPY?

i was looking through this FREE booklet that i got in the mail the other day from peta2 and there was some interesting things that i learned. quote unquote, 'in every package of chicken, theres a little poop. a usda study found that 96% of broiler chicken carcasses has detectable levels of e. coli, indicating fecal contamination.' milk has pus in it. 'most animal porducts are packed full of antibiotics, dioxins, and foodborne pathogens like e. coli, salmonella, and campylobacter.' 'raising animals for food generates more greenhouse gasses than all the cars and trucks in the world combined - and going vegitarian does more to fight global warming than switching to a hybrid care does.' cattle ranching is the number one cause for the deforestation in central america. two thirds of the rainforest have been cut down to raise cattle. 'the meat industry causes more water pollution in the us than all other industries combined.' the protein in meat causes you to have a greater chance in having cancer. go to peta2.com and order some free stuff. you get stickers, a dvd with interview with a bunch of bands such as hawthorne heights [ with casey. r.i.p. ], fall out boy, my chemical romance, pharell williams, the used, good charlotte, and a booklet with a bunch of recipes and info about what yr really eating. Stay fresh. .x.Nikki.x.

she got me a beer at the concert.

she rocks.

nuf-said.

.x.Nikki.x.

In honestly, Finger 11 or Staind should have been the headliners.

Surprise, surprise, Sick Puppies were up first. I really, really like them. And the bassist, Emma Anzai. She’s amazing. I think she’s my favorite bassist at the moment after seeing her skillz today. Who knew they were Australian!? I didn’t. That gives them a couple cool points from me because I have this little thing for Australian folks. They did a cover of Say My Name by Destinys(?) Child. Pretty rad. But I think I was one of 5 people that that knew who this band was. Sad.

Then came Finger 11. Really amazing. Fer realz. I got their CD a while back and it has some live footage on it and stuffs but they still pleasantly surprised me. Tomorrow when my brain is functioning correctly I’m going to go listen to their CD some more and watch the live stuffs again.

And here comes Staind. Now, I think the last time I heard one of their songs was when I was about 3 and my dad played it while driving me God knows where. These fuckers are…screaming? I thought I’d get to hear some acoustic guitar? Well, I didn’t get exactly what I wanted, well, expected, I get heavier guitar riffs, wicked drums, and some screaming from Aaron Lewis. All I have to say is, Damn. If I knew these dudes were making that kind of music I’d be a hardcore fan long before tonight. Or at least a fan that knew more than 3 songs….hehe.

And lastly, we have 3 Doors Down. I was a bit bummed to be honest. A lot of their songs all sounded the same. Once I actually thought they might have played a song already once before. Whoever the lead sing is, he was getting annoying. After every song, ‘HELLO MY FRIENDS! THANK YOU!’ in a rehearsed tone as well. They’re good, don’t get me wrong. But like I said, I think Finger 11 or Staind should have been the headliners. They could have done more with the extra half an hour or so.

Random things: there was this mexican chick that was in front of me…how can i say this nicely…getting really, really, really into the music. Her and her husband got into a little fight actually later on in the night. I think it was because her 4 foot long pony tail might have hit him in the face one too many times. But fer real, every God damned time I go to a concert I always get a lady like that.

I GOT COTTON CANDAY! Love this shit.

We left before the encore but on our way to the doors there was this whole sea of drunk 40+ year old men. My mom was in front of me and she would knock a dude out of the way and he’d rebound into me. One bent down [ because I’m short. ] and yelled in my face, ‘WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YR GOING? THEY’RE STILL GONNA PLAY!” or something along those lines.

Oh, and, and, and, there was some dude smoking marijuana 3 rows in front of us and it smelled like shit. Yo. I ain’t never gonna try that shit. I’d rather get the worst hang over every day for a week than try that stuff.

My feet fucking hurt and my eyelids are about to give out on me so I’m head to bed.

Peace.

Wait, I feel like talking more.

The whole time I was at the concert, I was thinking about Fall Out Boy. They were always in my mind. And how I want them to tour again. I think the reason why I was a little bummed after this concert was because I'm just used to Fall Out Boy concerts. The feel of them. What's in the air. The crowd. Everything. Those concerts gave a lot to me, a lot to take in I guess. But tonight's concert didn't feel as meaningful. It didn't feel like I should have been there. Not in an, 'Oh I'm such an outcast' kind of way. But it just didn't make me feel as electric as a Fall Out Boy concert is.
I don't know. Maybe I was just expecting too much.

So NOW I'm done. Good Night.

.x.Nikki.x.

i still feel like i should be more excited.

in other news, im going to learn some green day. a couple years ago i got american idiot and i knew that it was very meaningful, but i wasnt sure why. now i can understand it more and i realized how awesome that record was. i just listened to the whole thing through for the first time in over two years. i wish theyed start touting again. much respect.

i learned the song american idiot today. its so fun playing. i think i might record that with my [ soon to be purchased ] recording software.

i gave my mom $80 yesterday and tomorrow she's gonna get it offline for me. *big smiles*

im so bad. i made this list of everything i want to get or stuff that i need to record, take it however which way, and its over $1,500. at least i know im the one thats going to pay every dollar of it. its a list of stuff i want and/or need, but im not making it a wish list for people to buy everything. i want to feel good that i saved up that much and that i was the one that got it. but ill take donations :D

hm...anything....else....

well, its not really relevant, but today i saw the video for 'where'd you go' by fort minor for the first time in forever. that song means a lot to me. once again, no relevance to you, right?

my fingers fucking hurt. ones like completely shredded of a layer of skin, another one is on its way, and on my other hand one of my knuckles was bleeding before, and my thumb is shredding. i need to cool it when im playing bass. i didnt realize any of this and then i take a break to get a shower and then i try playing again and my fingertips sting.

well, i was gonna write more inapplicablestuff but i feel like curling up under my sheets and going nightnight.

so nightnight.

.x.Nikki.x.